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There is no doubt that the grief brought by the loss of a loved one is unimaginably painful.
Those close to the grieving person also undergo painful experiences. Basically, it is considered important for caregivers to stay with those who grieve, paying attention to them and their needs. You don't have to try to stop them from grieving or try to cheer them up. Just be there for them, and when they show a willingness to express their experiences and feelings, listen attentively to them and accept their feelings of grief, showing your compassion by making statements like, "It must have been very painful for you."
Although it might be difficult in a crowded shelter, it is extremely effective in helping the bereaved to create a quiet setting in which they can express their emotions without being disturbed.
Generally, the grief process is divided into four stages: shock, anger, grief, and acceptance, through which the grief of loss is believed to be healed. The following table presents a summary of different types of support or assistance that need to be offered to the bereaved. Remember that to accept and overcome the grief of the loss, each person needs to grieve in his or her own time and way. Attending to the person in deep grief requires a lot of energy. It is therefore necessary for nurses to pay attention to their own mental health as well. (For details, refer to "Nurses' Handbook - Mental Health Care in Disasters II.")
Healing process of the grief of bereavement
and support/assistance to provide
| Stage |
Characteristics of each stage |
Support/assistance desired |
| Shock |
Feel emotionally numb and lose a sense of reality. Feel as if all mental and physical strength have been lost. These are all natural reactions for protecting oneself from being overwhelmed by the unacceptable loss. Emotional numbness is replaced by panic. The person cries or groans out. He/she may experience insomnia and lack of appetite. |
Stay with the person and be as supportive and understanding as possible. If necessary, carry out bureaucratic procedures on behalf of him/her.
Ensure that major decisions can be postponed to a later date. |
| Anger |
Feel angry at what caused the death, an irrational destiny of oneself for not being able to save the dead person. A feeling of anger and associated actions are preparatory stages for facing painful grief. |
Do not criticize or deny his/her feeling of anger. Reassure him/her that it is natural to feel anger, and give consideration so that he/she will not be isolated from others. |
| Grief |
The stage of anger is followed by intense grief. The person cries a lot and tries to avoid activities and/or people. He/she may again suffer from insomnia and lack of appetite and lethargy. This is a preparatory step for accepting the fact of death. |
Don't say things like, "You can't stay sad forever." Whenever you think it necessary, leave the person alone so that he/she can cry to their heart's content, or just be with him/her to share their grief. |
| Acceptance |
Only pure sorrow over death remains. The person can recall memories of his/her deceased loved one without feeling too much pain. The pain and sadness begin to lessen. |
Share memories of the deceased. |
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Duration of each process varies from person to person.
Source: David L. Romo (1995): Disaster and Psychological Care, pp. 32-33, "Ask Human Care"
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Care for the bereaved
